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My girlfriend's so old
She knew Lincoln when he was a boy
My girlfriend's so old
She knew Helen before Troy
We go to church to play bingo
She likes to drink prune juice
And when Franky sings a jingle
She really admires his suit

My girlfriend's so old
She baked cookies for Napoleon
My girlfriend's so old
When she was young, she visited the Pilgrims
She took me to a Charlie Chapin film festival
She really likes to watch Lawrence Welk
And at night when she can't sleep at all
She drinks warm milk

My girlfriend's so old
So old you won't believe
My girlfriend's so old
Hey, did I tell you her name's Eve