Don't go surfing in the English surf
It's cold and it's dirty and the beach is worse
There's glass in the sand and the ice cream man is cursed

Don't go walking in the summer sun
Without a sun cream factor of a hundred and one
The burns and the boils are gonna try and spoil your fun

Come out in the sunshine
It's gonna rain sometime
It won't get better but it might never get worse

Don't try this verse if you're sat at home
And get permission first before you use the phone
Keep your eyes on your purse if you're shopping on your own

And don't get caught with your trousers down
If you're under eighteen on the underground
When the boy of your dreams in the cut down jeans comes 'round

Bring him out in the sunshine
It's gonna rain sometime
It won't get better but it might never get worse

Caffeine is a drug
Tobacco is a drug
Microwave ovens
Will put toxins in your grub

And if your grub is fried
That's a heart attack plus
Or you could step outside
And get run over by a bus in the sunshine