Stewie: Now everybody gather 'round and listen if you would
When I tell you every person needs a way of feeling good
Every kitty needs a ball of string and every dog a stick

Stewie & Brian: But all you need is a bag of weed to really get a kick

All: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight
A Bag of Weed, A Bag of Weed
Oh, Everything is better with A Bag of Weed
It's the only hope that you'll ever need
Cuz' Everything is better with A Bag of Weed

Stewie: Here you go, you're all getting it now

Ensemble: When Texas people want to feel good,

Stewie: They go assault a queer.

Ensemble: When stupid people need a thrill,

Stewie: They rent The Rocketeer.

Ensemble: When Michael Jackson needs a rush,

Stewie: He humps a guy like me.

Ensemble: Right!

All: But all we need is a bag of weed,
To keep us worry free.
One, Two, Three, HO!
A Bag of Weed, A Bag of Weed
Oh, everything is better with A Bag of Weed
Oh, you don't need meth and you don't need speed
Cuz' Everything is better with A Bag of Weed

Stewie: Have a go, Brian!

Brian: As Mr. H.L. Mencken said, "The common man's a fool."

Stewie: And just like Helen Keller said, "Doof stoo gee nay foo tool."

Brian: But try and use your heads and don't buy into all the fear.

All: HEY!
'Cuz all we need is a bag of weed
To make us wanna cheer!
And One, Two!
A Bag of Weed, A Bag of Weed
Oh, everything is better with A Bag of Weed
You can try and fight but we're all agreed
Because everything is better with A Bag of Weed

(break)

One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight,
And One, Two, Three, Four, And A Five, And A Six, And A Seven! HO!!
A Bag of Weed, A Bag of Weed
Oh, everything is better with A Bag of Weed
You're a happy guy but you can't proceed
Because everything is better with A Bag,
Of,
Weed!
Oh ev'rything is better with a bag of weed!!