I know this girl who thinks of ghosts
She'll make you breakfast, she'll make you toast
But she don't use butter, and she don't use cheese
She don't use jelly or any of these
She uses Vaseline, Vaseline, Vaseline, Vaseline

I know a guy who goes to shows
When he's at home and he blows his nose
He don't use tissues or his sleeves
He don't use napkins or any of these
He uses magazines, magazines, magazines, magazines

I know a girl who reminds me of Cher
She's always changin' the color of her hair
She don't use nothin' you buy at the store
She likes her hair to be real orange
She uses tangerines, tangerines, tangerines
Tangerines, tangerines, tangerines