We''ve been dating since high school we never once left this town

We use to go out on the weekends and we'd drink 'til we drowned

But now she's acting funny and I don't understand

I think that she's found her some other man

She left me for Jesus and that just ain't fair

She says that He's perfect, how could I compare?

She says I should find Him and I'll know peace at last

If I ever find Jesus, I'm kicking His ass

She showed me a picture all I could do was stare

At that freak in His sandals with His long pretty hair

They must think that I'm stupid or I don't have a clue

I'll bet He's a commie or ever worse yet a Jew

She left me for Jesus and that just ain't fair

She says that He's perfect, how could I compare?

She says I should find Him and I'll know peace at last

If I ever find Jesus, I'm kicking His ass

She's given up whiskey and ah taking up wine

While she prays for His troubles, she's forgot about mine

I'm a gonna get even, I can't handle the shame

Why last time we made love she even called out His name?

She left me for Jesus and that just ain't fair

She says that He's perfect, how could I compare?

She says I should find Him and I'll know peace at last

If I ever find Jesus, I'm kicking His ass

It coulda been Carlos or even Billy Ortez

But if I ever find Jesus

He's gonna wish He was dead, Amen