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Verse 1: Feeling gone in my mind like I can't think at all/ They say I'm new to the game, telling me to push the ball/ And I ain't trying to hog, so i gotta slow it down/ But its hard to make it out when your team just standing around/ Shots go up and your the one trying to slam it through/ Fans are quick to hate when you achieving what they can't do/ I got my mind on the game I gotta stay focused/ My father thinks that pursuing this career is hopeless/ I can't afford to fail I got my life on my back/ Once you count your friends and fam they add weight to that/ Stressing about my music and my other past commits/ And I'm looking at these memories like how could I forget this/ Fast forward the bullshit, I should skip this/ My big sister told me, Derrick you got to rip this/ Damn, why is it that every time I'm blown/ My family say their proud, talking about how much I've grown/ I try to play it cool but they can tell that somethings wrong/ And the smiles the leave the room when they ask me what I'm on/ Damn, its like I enjoy every time that we fight/ I know their just worried cause I almost lost my life/ Heart broken almost had a model for the wife/ Now the parts open so I hug a bottle for the night/ Casting different women almost every single weekend/ But when they read the script, then they just end up leaving/ Man, I don't know how many people know this. But I did OD June 9th, 2011. I was gone 2 minutes. They had to resuscitate me. No bullshit. So, I wrote this as soon as I got out. Verse 2: My old ways don't do it and the new ways ain't working/ Can't tell if its worth it, can't see the people I'm hurting/ Closest friends tell me that I'm gonna be successful/ So I feel there's expectations, and that shit gets kind of stressful/ You can see it in my face, embarrassed by the feedback/ My old crew's two face believe me I don't need that/ Now I'm doing me, walking in the rain alone/ Staying high to catch my lows because my mind's beyond gone/ And I'm never satisfied with the women I'm choosing/ So I try to win them over but I feel like I'm losing/ Breaking couples up claiming I'm the better man/ But then I fall short like it was all part of the plan/ I told her that I love her, I don't think the understand/ And I'm trying to make things right the best way that I can/ Damn its like I'm tired of taking chances so I give up/ I'm handing my heart to these broads just to see it ripped up/ You know. Thats something yall probably didn't even know about me. But, thought I should share it with yall. You know when you just got a lot going on in your head and you just gotta get it out? Well, thats what this song is man. I got one more verse for yall. Check it. Verse 3: Of course I'm feeling low, trying not to be depressed/ But the pain in my life feels like a knot in my chest/ I understand what they mean when they tell me I'm blessed/ My heart is in this, and I don't know if it can stretch/ Your friends gonna be your fan when they see the money building/ But when your broke they got comments up to the f**king ceiling/ And tell me how to rhyme like I'm about to lose it/ But what is my song if it's really your music/ Yeah thats my heart, I can't let it flat line/ Loves locked down so I guess I can't crack mine/ Can't rewind? I used that excuse last time/ We got insecurities I'm trying to get passed mine/ Before you in girl, I can't pretend girl/ I been thinking about you lately and I mean more than friends girl/ Play emotions like roles we put on/ Subtle frame of mind, I'm smoking until I'm beyond gone/ |