Lyric provided by www.seekalyric.com |
I'm naked at an award ceremony I'm hiding behind Jarvis Cocker and he's eating canapes I've got a laser pen And I'm shining it on Salmon Rushdie's forehead - like that Missing Brian May's hair by a fraction Yeah I'm naked But nobody seems to mind Record company execs tuck into their meat and two veg I wince but carry on with a tall story about tapestry The theme tune to Howard's Way plays gleefully in the background And everybody taps their feet Meatloaf wets himself and he's gotta leave So I might have to fill his place in the show And I duet with a chauffeur who's driving Whitney Houston or somebody like that And we sing 'Abide With Me' at the top of our voices To my surprise I get an erection Not a full on erection like Jeff Striker But a timid Aled Jones sort of affair Anyway, my singing partner is appalled and leaves the stage Through the medium of dance I explain what Shirley Bassey's back garden looks like Brings the house down Everyone gets cold and leaves |