Patrice:
Down the road, there�s a dairy queen
Up the block, there�s a Walmart
There�s a place you can accessorize your pets
A school, a tree, a couple of churches
And no matter how hard anybody searches
That�s about as thrilling as this dumb-ass village gets

It�s the lamest place in the world
But it just got a little bit better
So don�t disappear
It�s the lamest place in the world
But I�m pretty sure
It�s not as lame as it was before
Now that you�re here

Forty miles to the nearest river
Sixty miles to the airport
When we plan our escape, that�s where we�re
going to have to be
It�s a shame, it�s a sham, it�s a terrible pity
You got dragged away from New York City
It�s major suck for you but it�s amazing luck for me

It�s the lamest place in the world
But it just got a little bit better
I�m happy to say
It�s the lamest place in the world

Your completely exotic
Intellectual neurotic
You would never have a shot except
You�ve found the perfect guide
And though I don�t really know you
I can hardly wait to show you

Every fake and freak
Every fool and clown
Since the Chippewa settled this stupid town
Let and laugh
They won�t keep me down
With you by my side

And it just got a little bit better
Amazing but true
Yes, the lamest place in the world
Has lots of flaws
But maybe it�ll be fine because
It brought me to you