The green grass grows where the red rocks rise
And the mountain goats stick to the mountain sides
But the van broke down with a crick-crack sound
So we sat on the side of the road in Montana

A dirty old marmot hid beneath a tree
While the Kraken was unleashed to keep us company
Then the tow truck arrived and the journey revived
As we sped down the road for Cut Bank, Montana

We rolled into a town with streets full of bears
And arrangements were made for vehicular repairs
Then heard the good word as we were referred
To the only rental shop in Cut Bank, Montana

We waddled on over to a Loony Tune motel
With mercs at the door to deter the clientele
But we were ushered in by the mob's kingpin
Who was good ol' Mikey Burns, Prince Thief of Montana

Mikey Burns has got a Chevrolet Venture
Mikey Burns has got your ticket for adventure

He said when you're a-pressed with a policeman's concerns
Just tell 'em you borrowed it from good ol' Mikey Burns

We were led into his kitchen slash living room
Enshrouded by an aura of taxidermic doom
And where Mikey ate his meals he also did his business deals
Right there in his home in Cut Bank, Montana

We tried to haggle down but we were fools
This was Mikey Burns' town with Mikey Burns' rules
So we heeded his advice and paid the list price
And our minivan snarled west on 2 in Montana

It soon became clear that we had sold our souls
To the only man eligible in all the polls
The king of the town, the cock of the walk
Ol' Mikey Burns in Cut Bank, Montana

The sun comes up and the moon goes down
And the casino bars open all around the town
And Mikey Burns laughs all the way to the bank
Cuz you can't prank a crank up in Cut Bank, Montana