Brothers and sisters
I sense that somewhere out there one of our viewers has a pain
It's a severe pain in the
A kind of stiffness
In the neck

Viewer, place your hand on your television screen
Do it now
I command that you be healed!
Neck pain demons be gone!
There, you should feel better, now

Brothers and sisters
I wish to remind you we now sell this holy
Blessed healing salve
Only $39.99
Works on all pains, boils, and itchiness of the skin and scalp
Buy now and receive the prayer towel
Holy golf divot repair tool
And blessed red plastic martini olive swords
No extra charge

I am innocent of these charges!
This young woman
This hussy
This licentious harlot is an instrument (sobbing)
All right, I did it!
I am a sinner!
I have sinned against yoohoohoohoohoo