Written by Kevin Bacon

"We want this to become the 'You're So Vain' of the millennium." KB

There's a line around the block, and it stretches a mile

They're gonna pay good money to see your dazzlin' smile

You got a come-hither look in your babydoll eyes

And you got the kind of body make a man tell lies

And when you're standing next to me, you do the little things you do

I say, I'm so glad I'm not married, so glad I'm not married

I'm so glad I'm not married, to you

You're the center of attention everywhere you go

Sittin' on the boys' laps puttin' on a show

You get your clothes and your shoes and your drugs for free

And God knows you've got a lot more money than me

When you're bendin' over just to give us all a better view

I say, I'm so glad I'm not married, so glad I'm not married

I'm so glad I'm not married, to you

You introduce me to your guy and you say your love is true

Well he's a better man than I, 'cause he's got to live with you

In the movie of your life, he is just an extra in it

But baby, if you were my wife

To have and hold, the truth be told

I couldn't take it for a New York minute

Now you're crying 'cause the paper printed something rude

You say you never, ever, ever, ever touched that dude

Well, it's the National Enquirer it can't be true

But I'm not so sure they got it wrong about you

You're feeling kind of tragic and your eyes get misty-blue (boo-hoo!)

I say, I'm so glad I'm not married, so glad I'm not married

I'm so glad I'm not married, to you