If a girl isn't pretty

Like a Miss Atlantic City

All she gets in life is pity

And a pat

Kindly name a star who hasn't

Won a contest or a pageant

If she hasn't she just never

Gets to bat

She must shine in every detail

Like a ring, you're buying retail

Be a standard size that

Fits a standard dress

When a girl's incidentals

Are no bigger than two lentils

Then to me it doesn't spell

Success

Frumpy faces that could cause ya

To have temporary nausea

Do I have to hear a lecture

Such as that?

Is a nose with deviation

Such a crime against the nation?

Should I throw her into jail

Or drown the cat?

So she looks a bit off balance

She possesses golden talents

Or is that a pill too bitter

To digest?

Oh, she's got very nice deportment, hmm

But when they see that at Ortmund's

From the gallery they'll be

Throwing fruit