The Count has an eye on his ankle,
And lives in a horrible place,
He wants all your money,
He's never at all funny,
He wants to remove your face.

And you might be thinking what a romp this is,
But wait till you meet his accomplices.
When you see Count Olaf, you're suddenly full of
Disgust and despair and dismay!
In the whole of the soul of Count Olaf
There's no love,
When you see Count Olaf, count to zero...
Then scream and run away.

Scream, scream, scream, and run away,
Run, run, run, run, run, run, run,
Or die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die,
Run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run
Or die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die.

Two women with powdered-white faces,
And one long-nosed bald man with warts,
Things worsen and worsen,
There's a hook-handed person,
And others with nastier parts.

This evil and unpleasant group
Complete Count Olaf's acting troupe.
The goal of Count Olaf is getting control of
The fortunes of urchins and orphans, hooray!
I mean, horrors! Count Olaf is no laughing matter,
When you see Count Olaf, count to zero...
Then scream, and run away

Scream, scream, scream, and run away
Run, run, run, run, run, run, run,
Or die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die
Run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run
Or die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die.