You can never see it,
I keep it in a jar,
you can not escape it,
not even in your car,
it is not a mineral,
animal or plant,
you will never find it,
don't try because you cant,
make it so it hurts your face and touch it,
spank it till it stinks, and touch it baby.

Its weight doesn't matter,
neither does it's size.
If you look into it
it pokes out your eyes,
do not breathe around it,
sniffle, sneeze or cough,
if you were to touch it,
your skin would sizzle off,
make it so it hurts your face and touch it,
spank it till it stinks and touch it baby...

It's the mighty penus laser,
the cause for every scream,
it is better than anything you've got,
cause it's made out of a laser beam (bum,bum,bum's)

Now is when the horror will be truely felt and
the sick smell of death will soon be smelt,
it is a laser beam,
it will never be seen,
and it's shit is far more flameable than gasoline,
make it so it hurts your face and touch it,
spank it til it stinks and touch it baby,

it is incapable of reasoning,
this is the part where we sing...

It's the Mighty Penus Laser,
the cause for every scream,
It is better then anything you've got,
cuz it's made out of a laser beam.

Mighty - Penus - Laser