With my qualifications
With my qualifications
I could get me a job walking a dog
Chopping a log, cleaning a bog

With my qualifications
With my qualifications
I could see myself stacking a shelf
As a sales assistant at do-it-yourself

With my qualifications
With my qualifications

And my brother worked night and day
At the Eurostar Terminal
And the government gave it away

So what's the point in University?
For three years, I read philosophy
Now I read bar codes all day long
Beep, beep, beep sings that check-out song

With my qualifications
Talking 'bout my qualifications

Would you like to see my Ph.D.?
My BSE? My GCSE?
I gotta first in physics so I ought to know
If your fries are for here or to go