The functional member of society
Fixes dysfunctions
Fixed my car
Fixed my art
Fixed the price
Fixed my vice
Made me a functional member of society

Make me function, so functional

The functional member of sobriety
Fixed me a drink
A shot of methadone
So I won't think
A low tar cigarette
To cut down the threat
Of making me
A functional member of sobriety

Mr. Function, what's your gumption
Spreading the word of conditioned corruption
Mr. Function, a revolution is beginning to form
At the D.C. junction

The functional member of hilarity
Is on the TV
Now I can sit at home
And be told how to be
How to wear my coat
How to righteously vote
Ain't gonna be a functional member
Of hilarity

Nobody gonna pull me down
Nobody gonna push me around
Nobody gonna push me