Spoken]: One, two, three, kick!
Come on everybody, clap your hands
Ooh, you're looking good
Are you having a good time? I sure am
Do you like soul music?
(No)
Well, do the trouser press, baby! One, two three!

[Sung]
Trouser press fever! Wooh!
Trouser press fever! Wooh!
Trouser press fever! Wooh!
Trouser press fever! Wooh!
Give it all you can
It's much better than
A pre-fabricated concrete cold bunker!

[Spoken]: You're so savage, Roger.
Press those trousers!
Ecstasy boost, ecstasy

[Sung]
The coffee increases shirt crease
Turn up for the books now
Trouser it to me
Don't hang me up now
(Cheering)

[Spoken]: The programme you have been listening to
is a one-act play in eight parts by G.
G. Dunnett for eighteen albatrosses and reservoir.
The part of Old Bill was played by a frying pan.
The other part of Old Bill was played by Sir Rupert
Carpet who found a pair of swimming trunks on his head
and was surprised... (fades out)