Me and my buddy got us a wild hair
And decided we wanted to go somewhere
So we loaded up in my ragtop Chevrolet
We had a lil' bit of money and a whole lot of show
And with Hank Jr. blarin' on the radio
We had a tank full of gas and we was on our way

We figured we'd go down to New Orleans
We were barreling old 17
When a man with a red blinking light was on our tail
He said you were doing 60 in a 45
But I'm gonna let you go this time
But if I catch u again
I'm gonna slap you up in the county jail
We said thank you sir you sure been nice
And you ain't gonna have to tell us twice
And we southbound down with the wind blowin' in our faces
We kept on rollin' and pretty soon
The radio was cookin' out a haggard tune
And we were pullin' into Houston
Checkin' out all them places

I was feelin' dry and I said I think
We ought to stop and get ourselves a drink
And o' Jim said yeah
'Cause we got time to kill
We kept on rollin' and I seen this spot
So we pulled into the parking lot
Of this place called the cloud nine bar and grill

We walked through the door the place was jammed
The lights were low they had a punk rock band
And some orange-haired fella singin' 'bout suicide
I said Jim this ain't our kinda place
He said well let's just have one-round any way
So against my better judgement we walked on inside
Went up to the bar and we sat down
This fellar walked up and said I'll buy this round
And he sat down on the barstool next to Jim

He looked like a girl but he talked like a guy
Had lipstick on and mascara in his eye
And everybody in that place looked just about like him
I said Jim this ain't our kind of bar
Let's just go and back in get back in the car
'Cause there's gonna be trouble
Ain't no since in takin' a chance
We was gettin' up gettiny ready to leave
In somebody grabbed o' Jim by the sleeve
It was this good lookin' girl askin' my buddy to dance

I said Jim don't do it theirs somethin' missin'
There's fellars dancin' and fellars kissin'
There's a fellar in high-heeled shoes wearin' panty hose
He said partner I just can't turn this down
You go on over there and have one more round
And I'll go dance with a lady
And we'll get on down the road

So he walked away and left me alone
But this funny lookin' fellar kept comin' on
And he was makin' me mad
With some of the things he was sayin'
And then he put his hand on my knee
I said if you don't get your paw off me
I'm gonna relocate your nose around
On the side of your head

He said I love it when you get that fire in your eyes
I said well partner try this on for size
And I unloaded on him and he went out like a light
Everybody in that place must've been his friend
They all headed for me I said this is the end
But where I come from we don't give up without a fight

They were screamin' and yellin' and scratchin' and clawin'
I was punchin' and hittin' and kickin' and pawin'
I was holdin' my own 'cause I've been in a scrap or two
O' Jim comin' runnin' up out of the blue
And that gal he was with comin' runnin' up too
And proceeded to beat on me with a high heel shoe

I grabbed her by the hair it came off in my hand
And that beautiful girl was just a beautiful man
And o' Jim just got sick right there on the floor

He dropped that dude like a shot from a gun
Smeared his lipstick made his makeup run
And me and ol' Jim started fightin' our way to the door

We lit out of there in that Chevrolet
Put it on the floor and it stayed that way
We were goin' down the highway doin' bout a 110
We were headed for home and we was gettin' nearer
Then a red light came on the rear view mirror
And that same blame cop was pullin' us over again

Now I'm sittin' here in this county jail
Had to call my daddy to go our bail
But I learned me a lesson I never will forget again
I done give up drinkin' I give up bars
And runnin' around the country in souped up cars
I'm goin' back here the women are women
And the men are men