I invented the wheel
When I was only seven
I had dinner with god
When I popped into heaven
When I was just eleven

Iâ??ve sailed right round the world
In just a tiny dinghy
Iâ??m best mates with bill gates
I made his computer thingy
And I can lift a Mini
Yes I can lift a mini

Cos Iâ??m a liar

Can fly, so high
Invented crisp and dry
I am in charge when the red arrows fly by

Iâ??m a liar
Iâ??ve seen, The Queen
Reading Nuts magazine
She used to buy it but she now gets it
For free

I can eat a packet of crisps
Whilst on a unicycle
I was friends with the Hoff
When people called him Michael
It was my idea
To do X Factor
Not that Simon Cowell

Cos Iâ??m a liar

You dig, Iâ??m big
Iâ??m actually the stig
Was brought up by a pig just outside of Leeds

I'm a liar

I dance, I cook
Wrote Harry Potter books
But let that lady say she did cos she
Was nice

Cos Iâ??m a liar
Iâ??m a liar

Sliced bread, invented sliced bread
I did it with Joe Pesci sitting in a
Garden shed
Can climb a mountain
Came up with wheelie bins
And on the Starship Enterprise
I am the captain

Hob Nobs, invented Hob Nobs
Whilst having lunch with Noddy Holder
Eating meat cobs
Daytime TV
Is all made by me
I come up with all the ideas
Whist eating my tea

I'm a liar/ I'm a liar