Dipping into his Filofax
He wonders who he can buy next
"C'mon, Play the game the Maxwell way
And you'll never lose, come what may"
There'll be the Maxwell League
And the Maxwell Cup
The Maxwell Trophy
For Maxwell clubs
Maxwell United and Maxwell Town
Who only play at Maxwell grounds
If you believe what the Mirror says
You'd think that Maxwell's trying to save the game
"Mirror, Mirror, on the wall

Who's the biggest liar of all?"
There'll be the Maxwell League
And the Maxwell Cup
The Maxwell Trophy
For Maxwell clubs
Maxwell United and Maxwell Town
Who only play at Maxwell grounds
Mister, can we have our football back?