I send pictures through the mail
Well documented and very detailed
To politicians and big celebrities,
But none of them are believing in me
And I await their response
Some send none, most send cops
But man it’s a dire situation
And I will risk the public humiliation
Sleestak lightning on my trail

It’s a dire situation, they are on my trail
West Virginia has its Moth Man,
Pan handlers’ got their Skunk Ape.
But I have a tazer and night vision goggles,
Costco rolls of black duct tape.
It’s got red eyes, it’s got razor claws,
It’s got green skin, no it ain’t a meth-head.
And after studying its behavior, objectively and critically,
I believe I have a reliable method.