Please, read from sheets

I am, I am

Sofa King

Sofa King

Scared of a bunch of water, then get out the rain

Order a rapper for lunch, and spit out the chain

Then, kick a lungee off the tip of his timbo

And trick a honey dip, into a game of strip limbo

Odd, he couldn't find no remorse

A wink is as good as a nod to a blind horse

Of course, his technique was from a divine source

Never new the price of ice or what swine cost

One guy tried to bite the heat

That's when he discovered the other, other white meat

Oh, the one, they hate so well

He sure keeps it psycho, like the old Bates motel

They came to ask him for, at least, some new tracks

But only got confronted by the beast with two backs

Knock, Mouse is a made man

Villain, laid it down, like the best laid plan

Belle, the cat, who the hell is that, near the middle?

Got y'all but it's not all beer and Skittles

Prepare the vittles, got riddles and spittles

Crystal clear to the jock or the tittle

Sssst, it's hot, off the griddle

Came to take the cake, whether it's a lot or a little

Ka-boom, doom is nervous large

You could tell by his blooming room service charge

Dark and tall to boot

The only thing was wrong was, he was bald as a Klute

Used to rent a van from Peter Pan, the red and tan

And keep the human foot for his dead man's hand

This was when the mask was brand-spankin' new

Before it got rusted, from drankin' all the brew

Stankin' too, pew

Kept all his earnings in the bank and his shoe

Spat what he knew, energy for true

To all fake rappers, twenty-three skidoo

Excuse you, any room in the class front?

For a blast of the blunt, shroomin' since last month

Doom a human in the mask, born to stunt

Danger zoomin' past, mad, fast on the hunt

Keep your streets, we got the city neatly conquered

Discretely, with the CD, 'til they be completely bunkered

The fans demanded it, handled it, swallow it

His own brand of shit, if only he could bottle it

Hmm, nah, she could get messy

The feds tried to torture him for the secret recipe

He said, "It's no use, I only know half

No speaka de English, I only do the math"

Bzzt, felt no pain

His brain was saturated with cocaine and Rogaine

He said, "Try scan, no thing, three-card dead

Fly man, go for bling, he got bled

I jam over sting, see spots red

I am Sofa King, we Todd, Ed"

We, Todd, Ed

Now repeat all, very fast, please

I am, Sofa King

Faster

I am Sofa King

No, no, not so fast, loses meaning

I am so fucking retarded

You say, funny thing