I got a little friend, he's with me to the end

What does he say?

I ask him for opinions and political decisions

Each and everyday

I know that it's a dream dirty and obscene anyway



If Stuart could talk, what would he say?

If Stuart could talk, what would he say?

If Stuart could talk, what would he say?

What would he say if Stuey could talk to me?



Whenever I'm alone, I'm really not alone

He's always there

When I am going to falter and I'm standing at the alter

And there's not a prayer

I know it's up to him if I ever sin anyway



What would he say, what would he say?

"Yes, my name is Stuart and I assure you I can speak"



"And lately I find myself astounded

At the sort of company you keep

Something further I must mention

Of this fact I cannot understand"



"Is your insatiable attention at annoying me with your hand?

And in closing, may I offer this point must be succinct?

My purpose is for procreation and not facilitating in your sin"