Ain't got a comb, don't own a toothbrush
A one-room hole and toilet that don't flush
Don't need no woman, don't need no doggie
A stack of old Hustlers and an old cup of coffee

Washin' the windshield, I'm earning my dime
"Let me wash your window, alright, man?"
Put that camera down or I'll bash in your face
Spit on the car, head back to my place

Weird, waxed, and wired
Weird, waxed, and wired
Weird, waxed, and wired

Yeah, I'm a goddamn bum, man, who gives a shit?
I shit in my pants and I sleep in my piss
Don't need no woman, don't need no doggie
A stack of old Hustlers and an old cup of coffee

Weird, waxed, and wired
Weird, waxed, and wired
Weird, waxed, and wired