[Host:]
Step right up!
We bring to you the finest entertainment
And I am pleased to be your humble servant
Accept our hospitality
Indulge in abnormality

Step right up!
There's something here for everyone's enjoyment
I do this as a gift, not for employment
A portrait of insanity
Approached with pure humanity
Come see our...

Girls! Crazy Girls!
If you're willing to be thrilled this is a hell of a ride!
Those Girls! Crazy Girls!
They're hot! They're nuts! They're suicidal!
Tickets cheap! It's a crime!
And they're half-price after four o'clock so toss us a dime
To see these lovely freaks of nature for a limited time
Come see the Girls! Girls! Girls!

Some of them are really quite attractive as you'll see
And some are truly hideous, I'm sure that you'll agree
While others still look rather quite a lot like you and me
But you mustn't let them fool you
Just one more rule!
You shouldn't look this one too long in the eye
That one - let's just keep walkin' by
These ain't no ordinary girls and we've a steady supply!
So grab another cup of tea and follow me
To see the...

Girls! Crazy Girls!
If you're willing to be thrilled this is a hell of a ride
Those Girls! Crazy Girls!
They're hot! They're nuts! They're suicidal!
Tickets cheap! It's a crime!
And they're half-price after four o'clock so toss us a dime
To see these lovely freaks of nature for a limited time
Come see the Girls! Girls! Girls!

Now, has anybody any clever questions for your guide?
For a penny more, go on and ask!
We've nothing here to hide...

[Rabble No.1:]
I have a question...

[Rabble No.2:]
I do, I would like to know...

[Host:]
Quiet down! You sir...

[Gentleman No.1:]
If insanity's primarily a femininish malady
And no one's doubting that for it's a scientific fact
Then, according to the medics, have they faultier genetics?
Are they born with this disease or is it something they contract?

[Host:]
It's all to do with reproductive organs
Which are naturally unstable in a dame
You see, from "lunar" we have lunacy and lunatic and loony
And they're always ovulating by the cycle of the moony

[Gentleman No.2:]
I've a question!

[Host:]
Shoot!

[Gentleman No.2:]
Has any patient ever been released?
Would you send her home if her bizarre behaviour were decreased?

[Host:]
For the good of our society they oughtn't reproduce
So while they may pretend propriety, we'll never let 'em loose!

[Host, Inmates:]
Come see the
Girls! Crazy Girls!
If you're willing to be thrilled this is a hell of a ride
Those Girls! Crazy Girls!
They're hot! They're nuts! They're suicidal!
Tickets cheap! It's a crime!
And they're half-price after four o'clock so toss us a dime
To see these lovely freaks of nature for a limited time
Come see the Girls! Girls! Girls!

[Host:]
Some are born mad, some achieve madness, and some have
madness thrust upon 'em! This is the real thing, my friends!
Guaranteed one-hundred-percent, authentic, mentally ill!
Accept no imitations. For a little extra on the side we can arrange
for a slightly more "intimate" encounter... wink, wink... For a
tuppence, just a tuppence, a handful of pills to feed the inmates!
We've got pills for depression, obsession, aggression, possession,
indiscretion...there's a bloody pill for everything nowadays!

[Gentleman No. 3:]
How big is a lady's brain?

[Host:]
It's really very, very small
A simple thought is quite a strain!

[Old Woman:]
This seems just a bit inhumane...

[Host:]
That's just a simple little shock
It doesn't cause her any pain!
You see, they're really more like animals than people
Which has been proven haven't any souls at all
The only bits that aren't inferior are bosom and posterior
And these are only useful in a seedy music hall

They won't bite
Well, they might
I say, this one does look hungry tonight
So get your picture with an inmate
But be sure she's locked up tight
They're practically wild, sir
Protect your child, sir

They don't recall the taste of freedom
They're just happy if we feed 'em
So point and laugh, it isn't bad
They oughtn't mind because they're mad!
If you haven't got a dime
Toss us your pearls!

[Host, Inmates:]
You're welcome to enjoy our...

Girls! Crazy Girls!
If you're willing to be thrilled this is a hell of a ride
Those Girls! Crazy Girls!
They're hot! They're nuts! They're suicidal!
Tickets cheap! It's a crime!
And they're half-price after four o'clock so toss us a dime
To see these lovely freaks of nature for a limited time

[Host:]
I've got a lot more words to say
But I just can't make 'em rhyme
So ladies, let this be a lesson to you
Keep your hair un-cut
Your corsets tight
Your morals high
Your knitting neat
Your yapper shut
This is what comes of over-educating
Mentally over-stimulating
Too much serious conversating
Organised religion hating
Sinful un-wed copulating
Marriage without procreating
Girl on girl caught lesbiating
She was caught while masturbating
Male mind manipulating
Chronically hallucinating
Certainly there's no debating
Some we just find fascinating
Women's rights facilitating
Independent thought creating
She may just be complicating
Get your money out, we're waiting!

To see the Girls! Girls! Girls!