Call me a cab and I'll tip the undertaker
That fool couldn't tell a real stiff from a faker
Well I ain't no fool, I just play one on TV
Cause misery loves company
That's why everyone loves me

Now, buy me a drink and I'll tell you all a story
About a bastard who traded in treasure for glory
Well the treasure was true love, the bastard he was me
Cause misery loves company
That's why everyone loves me

Well, I've been a rich man
I've been a poor man
Inside a Saturday night
I've done the works
And there's one thing I know
You can't win if it ain't a fair fight

I ain't seen the pastor since Sunday bloody morning
All the girls in the choir are in labor or mourning
Take one look in my eyes, I think you'll all agree
Cause misery loves company
And that's why everyone loves me

I've done every shit job
Handed out nose jobs
Made a few friends in the tombs
But I've found that in most cases
Fixing the the rat race is
Better than pushing a broom

Now, who shall I marry the junky or the jailer?
Your choices are few when they know you're a failure
But there's one thing that everyone in the bar agrees
That misery loves company
And that's why everyone loves me