Well, I ain't been home for so doggone long

I almost forgot where I come from

Ain't got no money but I still ain't a bum

I'm almost nearly but not quite plumb

A back last summer down by the sea

I seen a pretty girl in

I snapped my fingers, said son of a gun

She's almost nearly but not quite plumb

Some people wonder how I live

Sometimes I pick, sometimes I give

People say I'm a bum

I'm almost nearly but not quite plumb

I met a pretty girl up in Chicago

She said, honey baby, I love you so

She begged me to stay and not act like a bum

I've been almost nearly but not quite plumb

Friends ask me why I don't take a wife

Settle down to a married life

They say it's good as most and it's better than some

I say I'm almost nearly but not quite plumb

Some people wonder how I live

Just the other night out in Tucson

I had a little date with a great big blonde

I took her home, she said didn't we have fun

Hmm, almost nearly but not quite plumb

When it's time for the final date with

Old Saint Pete's at the pearly gate

He'll say I hope you're ready for your time's come

I'll say I'm almost nearly but not quite plumb

Some people wonder how I live