see that man behind that tree?
he's spent seventeen hours just waiting for me and
there's really no doubt he's in love with me
I really am his number one priority
you might call him a loser but I call him a friend
'cos he's the last man standing when the evening ends
he says 'baby I love you, won't you hear my confession?'
I say 'don't worry babe, I share the same obsession'
yeah I got myself a stalker and he's not much of a
talker but he's mine - I must have hit the big time
I got myself a fan, he follows me in a big blue van
oh yeah, I must have hit the big time man
I just love the attention and his life's a mess
I wanna do it with a drummer in a borrowed dress and
he's happy to let me 'cos he knows my address
and with some gentle persuasion he's gonna sell it to the press
I don't mind the heavy breathing on the end of the
phone 'cos I've never been a girl who likes to be alone
and I'm comfortable sleeping knowing that he is peeping
we're two of a kind, we share the same obsession

yeah I got myself a stalker and he's not much of a
talker but he's mine - I must have hit the big time
I got myself a fan, he follows me in a big blue van
oh yeah, I must have hit the big time
(so what do you do with his correspondence, hannah?)
I keep his letters by my bed - I like to re-read things that he's said
it's good to know I really count - -isn't that what life's about?
(what are you thinking?)
close my eyes and count to ten he's still there when I open them
(do you think you’re lacking a role model in your life?)
you'd think I'd never had a dad - I think I never had a dad
cooey - I know you're in there
cooey - I've brought you underwear
the police want to get him,
say he’s gone too far when they found out he was
sleeping in the back of my car
I said ‘officer please, don’t take him away,
cos he’s the only man I ever loved this way…'