Verse 1:
Defective products everywhere
I stepped on one while walking
Across the grass that grows like hair
Where lovers were sitting talking
About the money they would make
Selling defective products

Chorus:
It caught my shoe and jammed
Damned and defectively made
A curse upon the land
Damned in the USA

Verse 2:
Anyway it wasn't a snake
Or a squirrel or a pair of ducks mating
It was an escalator coming up
Out of the ground from Hell
Like the old dumb-waiter in the haunted house
Around the riverbend

[Repeat Chorus]

Verse 3:

It was an escalator
Coming up out of the ground
From Hell like the old dumb-waiter
In the haunted house around
The riverbend that used to be
Run up and down in the old days

[Repeat Chorus]

Verse 4:
Like the old dumb waiter that used to be
Run up and down in the old days
Until the Yankees came and we
Each dug a few graves
For the bodies that belonged to
The souls that returned to
Hades after the war
Hades after the war

[Repeat Chorus]

Coda:
A curse upon our land
Damned in the USA