Chorus

Cheap bourbon whiskey and pearl snaps are the two things

That stay the same so when the world starts spinninÂ' and

Your head hurts thereÂ's cheap bourbon whiskey and pearl snap shirts

The shade tree mechanic is a dinosaur

You can't cuss you can't smoke or spit on the floor

Don't hit on a woman 'cause she might sue

You can't buy beer in this state past two

Chorus

Buddha is legal but Jesus ain't

The saints are all sinners and the sinners are saints

It's not how you play it's the final score

They don't show M*A*S*H on the tube any more

Chorus

Lovers usually leave at the drop of a ring

And daddy doesn't smile when a mockingbird sings

The kids are in school but they're all packin' guns

The losers live forever and the good die young

Chorus

Well the stars are all fallin' out of the sky

The doors are all locked and the bottle is dry

So pass me a chew and I'll sing you a song

If there's a problem with that we can get it on

Chorus