Ask any young man in this town who is over thirteen
To tell you about the things and places he's seen
If he tells you somethin' bout women you haven't known
You can attribute his knowledge of anatomy to widow Jones.

Well, Jones-y was a gogo girl, a little while before she married Sam
He fell into the river Jones-y said that's water over the dam
You say we oughta leave these matters to the good disgression of the law
But when you have a shape like widow Jones
you have a lotta friends at City Hall.

--- Instrumental ---

Well, I don't bring her up because I think we should put her down
I just wanna shed some light on the truth in this town
These boys've learned things they couldn't've learned in our schools
And their parents can relax in knowin' that they're not all
out in shootin' pool.

Yeah, Jones-y was a gogo girl, a little while before she married Sam
He fell into the river Jones-y said that's water over the dam
You say we oughta leave these matters to the good disgression of the law
But when you have a shape like widow Jones
you have a lotta friends at City Hall.

Yeah, the widow's got a lot friends at City Hall...