I stole a quarter when I was a kid

And momma said I'd be sorry for the sin that I did

And daddy whopped me

And the preacher said shame

But I guess the Bible lessons didn't take



'Cause I cuss and I smoke

I laugh at dirty jokes

The minor vices, man I know 'em well

I've closed down bars

I've lusted in my heart

My ex-wives think I ought to burn in Hell

But the devil won't even notice when I die

Don't ya figure, he's got bigger fish to fry



Boss Hogg, politicians taken' pork-barrel bribes

Crooked corporation honchos get off with no time

Christmas Eve burglars stealing good children's toys

Pop stars hanging out with little boys



Yeah, I cuss and I smoke

I laugh at dirty jokes

The minor vices, man I know 'em well

I've closed down bars

I've lusted in my heart

My ex-wives think I ought to burn in Hell

But the devil won't even notice when I die

'Cause I figure, he's got bigger fish to fry



There's gonna be a bonfire burning

An everlasting barbeque

But with all the bad stuff going on

There ain't gonna be room for me and you



Yeah, cause I cuss and I smoke

I laugh at dirty jokes

The minor vices, man I know 'em well

I've closed down bars

I've lusted in my heart

My ex-wives think I ought to burn in Hell

But the devil he won't notice when I die

Don't you figure, he's got bigger fish to fry



The way I figure he's got bigger fish to fry



Man, it's hot in here