(Roger Miller)

I once had a sweetheart the fairest of maidens
She upshined all others that I've known by far
I had me a friend named Big Harlan Taylor
Harlan had a rubber tied new shiny car.

All the ways of the world
And the wants of a woman
If I figured them all up
It could take many years.

By the wants of a woman she fell for Big Harlan
I tried but in vain for to take my own life
Suddenly I had lost all my will to keep livin'
She'd lost her desire to become my young wife.

All the ways of the world
And the wants of a woman
If I figured them all up
It could take many years.

I wanted revenge and we laid for Big Harlan
Then I started wondering what good would it do
If a rubber tied new shiny car's her ambition
Then she can just had it and Big Harlan too.

All the ways of the world
And the wants of a woman
If I figured them all up
It could take many years...