(Kris Kristofferson)

Eddie the Eunuch was a weasel
Nasty as an old man's nose
Makin' believe he was evil
Struttin' in his mama's clothes.

So you know that Eddie had a bad connection, baby
Never had a chance to ball
Sleepin' in the wrong direction, baby
Dreamin' he was ten feet tall.

Eddie the Eunuch is a rock and roll critic
Suckin' like a super star
Slicker than a shoe-shine, quicker than a two-time
Eddie, what a thing you are.

--- Instrumental ---

Eddie makes a damn good livin', baby
Puttin' other people down
Eddie couldn't ever forgive them, baby
'cause he wasn't Jackson Browne.

Eddie the Eunuch is a rock and roll critic
Suckin' like a super star
Slicker than a shoe-shine, quicker than a two-time
Eddie, what a thing you are...