Give me lots of money
A house up on a hill
Send me pretty women
Or threaten me and still

I'll come out to your house
And attempt to fix your sink
Do a mediocre job
As I'm leaving you will think

If you're needing something
You know that I'll be gone
I will not answer when you call
If you're waiting for me
Then you'll be waiting long
I can't be counted on at all

My eye is on the pork
The pork is in the pan
If something needs a 'doing
Well, you know I'm not your man

If you're counting on me
You know I'll let you down
You can't be counting on me
Cause you know I'm just a clown