The family garden is a special place
In sun and shade there I was raised
But voices fade away and rooms are rearranged
Now I'm the family gardener

You need a stethoscope and a good good rake
Some beer for snails and a rope for snakes
A flowerbed to fall in as the moonlight breaks
When you're the family gardener
And I'm the family gardener

As I look down with my two eyes and my two green thumbs
I despise all the people who walk on the green green grass
I grew with my watered love

Now some other son sleeps in the southern wing
And someone else's mother sits to paint the pastoral scene
My father always said that I would never amount to anything
But I'm the family gardener
I'm the family gardener
Yeah I'm the family gardener