Now if I were a bricklayer,
I wouldn't build just anything,
If I was a ballplayer,
I wouldn't play no second string,

And if I were some jewelry, baby,
Lord, I'd have to be a diamond ring,
If I was a secret, you know I would never be told,
If I was a jug of wine,

Lord, my flavor would be plenty old,
I could be 'most anything,
But it got to be 24-karat solid gold

[Chorus]
I'm the Penthouse Pauper; I've got nothing to my name
I'm the Penthouse Pauper; I've got nothing to my name,
I can be 'most anything,
'Cause when you got nothin' it's all the same

If I was a gambler, you know I'd never lose,
And if I were a guitar player,
I'd have to play the blues

If I was a hacksaw (hatchet), my blade would be razor sharp,
If I were a politician, I could prove money could talk,
You can find the tallest building,
Lord, you know I'd have the house on top

[Chorus]
I'm the Penthouse Pauper; I've got nothing to my name
I'm the Penthouse Pauper; I've got nothing to my name,
I can be 'most anything,
'Cause when you got nothin' it's all the same