There must be 5000 ways to die,
and each one ends the same way if you try.
Your friends all stand around while they dump you in the ground
and the people who loved you will ask "Why?"
Oh why? Oh why? Oh why?

And the bastard you hated the most
will stand up and give you a toast.
He'll say "We were such good friends,
especially near the end"
Then he'll feel up your girl friend in front of your ghost.

So get in your car and drive real fast.
Up in the attic with a shotgun blast.
Take a bath with a clock radio.
Vodka, valium, overdose!
Have you ever tried?
There must be 5000 ways to die

And if your very lucky
you'll get your picture in the paper on page 3.
25 words will summarize how you spent your whole damn life.
One day on that page
next day into the hamster cage (get it)

So get in your car and drive real fast.
Up in the attic with a shotgun blast
take a bath with a clock radio.
Vodka, valium, overdose!
All the glamour can be yours with a loaded .44
Have you ever tried?
There must be 5000 ways to die