He's handsome
In an quite intriguing way
He's classy
And he never lets you pay
But if he thinks Limp Bizkit's lyrics are profound
This guy might end up smacking you around

He's caring
Rescues kittens caught in trees
He's kindly
Carries old ladies' groceries
And if he likes to pull his pud
to beach aerobics shows
You'll prob'ly end up with a crooked nose.

Ladies, don't be stupid
There's a sick fuck on the loose
And his name is: Cupid!

He's tender
Like a Black Angus Filet
He's romantic
And he's good to you all day
But if he won't sleep with you until you've
shaved your mound,
This man might end up smacking you around.

And if every time he's photographed he goes like this
Wait. Turn around. All the way. Show us your good side!

He's the kind of guy who might beat you senseless.

Oh, love....