Born in the town of Scranton, PA,
Down the street from the church of Saint Ann.
Raised in West Side by the Sunoco Street,
Family had the land since 1833
Tater, Tater Salad Growin up in West Side

When he turned 13, went to Hannan
addin' mock trial to Willie Martin's woes
Now, club destroyin is just something he does,
like Political Science one year before
Tater, Tater Salad, playin on the tennis team!

All through the years we're moving along
swinging from the pipes in computer class.
Joining the Leaguers and playin for Pell
He's a lot like Smitty but twice as nuts
Tater, Tater Salad, put Jared through a wall!

He went into the gym just to pass some time,
Kicked a basketball till it went in the hoop.
And while he was handling this crazy chore,
Pissed off John Bucci, forevermore.
Tater, Tater Salad also known as Sunokes.

He got up one morn' and he made some toast
then a seagull flew bay and snatched it away
An' the rest of his day he took a stand
to execute that seagull who stole his toast
Tater, Tater Salad killing defenseless birds

He went off to college right up the street
Threatened a professor for a better grade.
Claimed himself a bench right under a tree,
Won't use punctuation because it is dumb.
Tater, Tater Salad. Wants to get a degree.

When he comes home, his classes done,
Hears his Dad yellin bout some crazy stuff.
So he heads somewhere to tune him out
And knows the kitchen light will never turn off.
Tater, Tater Salad. Goin for a stroll.

He calls up Bindo with nothing to do
Up to the Wal Mart they just got to go
Seein the carts now they know what to do
Play soccer with them, using a car
Tater, Tater Salad, also known as Spud.

Came in from Leaguers and he saw the couch
Shields was sitting in his favorite spot
So he reared back the bat and swung with some might
Now Shields is in pain on the playroom floor
Tater, Tater Salad. Craziest clown I know.