Well I've heard he's into leather and
what they both do when they're together
Curtains twitch in suburbia tonight
I've heard that they're not real brothers, cos their mam went with another
Taproom gossip in suburbia tonight

And the mothers meet and do the rounds
Hasn't Sheila Jackson piled on the pounds?
It wouldn't spread much quicker if you put it on the internet

What's going on at number 34? Kev says
there's bodies buried underneath the floor
But this isn't murder its just Grenoside
Can you believe that Keeley's with him again?
A clever lass but she's daft when it comes to men
Walls have ears and there's nowhere to hide

In the corner shop all the rumours start
With the dirty looks and the sly remarks
It wouldn't spread much quicker if you put it on the internet

She's had a black one. She's had a white one. She's had a brown one.
And Johnny reckons that he saw
her in the chemist buying something for the weekend
I'm telling ya its true cos' my cousin is her best friend

Have you heard that Sue's expecting, Mark says cos Donna texted him
Chinese whispers and spies on mothercare
Apparently he's off the wagon, he's been seen in the George and Dragon
Put your eyes back in don't ya know it's rude to stare

And all the decent people sleep in decent beds
In preparation for another day of decentness
If that's so decent then I'll be something else

She's had a black one. She's had a white one. She's had a brown one.
And Johnny reckons that he saw
her in the chemist buying something for the weekend
I'm telling ya its true cos' my cousin is her best friend

She's had a black one. She's had a white one. She's had a brown one.
And Johnny reckons that he saw
her in the chemist buying something for the weekend
I'm telling ya its true cos' my cousin is her best friend

She's had a black one. She's had a white one. She's had a brown one
And Johnny reckons that he saw
her in the chemist buying oral contraception
It can't be for her hubby cos' he can't get an erection

She's had a black one. She's had a white one. She's had a brown one.
And Johnny reckons that he saw
her in the chemist buying something for the weekend
I'm telling ya its true cos' my cousin is her best friend