[T-Bone]
Everyone's excited to go to grandpa's cabin
The fun starts to end when he makes us grab 'em
He takes us one at a time out to the toolshed
He makes me tea-bag while my sister gives head
My parents turned away and try to ignore it
It stops at the inheritance but not before it
He might be crazy, he might be mean
But he can only get it up if my sister screams
Now here's my brotha to give his testimony
Grandpa's got viagra and he's still so horny

[The Shaft]
What he does is real sick
Especially with that wrinkled up old dick
I had to do some homework, I had to do some math
Please oh please don't watch me take a bath
He said we'd go fishin on his little boat
Please don't make me swallow it hurts my throat
I think he's German, or maybe Dutch
My teacher taught me that that's a bad touch
I think I might have the crabs and I'm gettin kinda nervous
I swear if you don't stop I'll call child service

[chorus]
Let me go home
I'm just too far
From where you are
I wanna come home

[T-Bone]
We get into the toolshed, it's risin like yeast
Get your hand out of my pants, you former catholic priest
Why don't you get a prostitute or maybe a whore
This is weekend after weekend it's a strenuous chore
I know you fought in 'Nam where this was okay
But now is where it stops we're in the USA

[chorus]

[T-Bone]
The other day I thought it would be fun
If I snuck into your room and got your shotgun
I got an idea, don't matter what I do
I'm gonna use this shotgun to castrate you
BOOM! Problem fixed it's all over
Atleast until daddy starts comin over...