My britches got all tight the first time that we met
Not only were you beautiful your mind seemed to be set
On making me real happy and letting me be free
To be the man I've always been just letting me be me

The first year went all right even though we had our trails
Then I got eat up with bleeding ulcers and the piles
I smelled a rat when i took out the trash one summer night
And found the car was full of shit I've had almost all my life

You say your dream is to marry me some day
That living here in sin together ain't the good lord's way

But I got news for you and you can give the lord a call
Tell him I'll give you a ring when you give me back my balls

I used to chase the gals with bill and tom and jack
But they said it's real hard to hang with an empty sack
You cancelled my sports package on my satellite TV
But it's not the only package that you took away from me

I think back to the girl I knew when you moved in
I'm not sure when she disappeared or just where she has been
I barely recognise the house I'm pretty sure I bought
But I've still got enough sense to know this catch ain't getting caught