I'm trying to impress the bargirl, by seeing how drunk I can get
I can't believe that no-one's thought of this before
This is a fool-proof plan!
I'm sure I'm the man of her dreams -
The drunker I get
The more impressed she seems. (It's a perfect plan)

I'm trying to impress the bargirl, by seeing how drunk I can get
My friends have left. I guess they didn't want to cramp my style!
She keeps a professional distance,
But I know what she truly thinks.
If she didn't want me,
Why would she keep bringing drinks? (It's a perfect plan)

(It's a perfect plan)
So I ask her when does she get off
And she answers where do I get off
And I say 'That's funny' (The perfect plan)
The bouncers watch me intently
I suppose they're just jealous of me
Because I'm so funny

She's going a little bit blurry
Something is coming towards me
I think I'm about to be kissed
No, that's just a fist ...