Christopher calls me
He calls me, complaining
He's already waited too long to begin
The world is on one side
And I'm on the other
And I read in a magazine
That I am what I is
I am...

Brian the actor
That he does on Saturdays
With nothing but a bowtie
He would bring me a drink
He tells me he sweats it
Like a pig in a blanket
And I ran out of toothpicks
But that don't mean a thing
And I am... oooh...

Well, autumn will come
And everyone loves you
When you've already won
And I'm here to tell you
That I don't care if
Up turns you down
Just to hear you say
I am what I am
When I am what I is
I am what I am
When I am what I is...

Jeannie is lonely
She lives with her parents
She saves all her money
So she can spend it in Spain
Her boss doesn't get it
She says to forget it
I told her we're different
But she knows we're the same
And I am... oooh...

Well, autumn will come
And everyone loves you
When you've already won
And I'm here to tell you
That I don't care if
Up turns you down
Just to hear you say
I am what I am
When I am what I is
I am what I am
When I am what I is...