When I was just a child,
before I would turn out the light,
I'd kneel beside my bed,
and say my prayers every night.
Ask God to keep me safe,
and keep everything alright.
Then I'd be real still, and quiet until
I could hear his reply.

And God said wash your hands,
or your family will die.
And Grandpa will get cancer
if you don't touch the stove three times.
Your dog will run away, if you ever tell a lie.

Nobody understands,
when God says "wash your hands."
When God says "wash your hands."
God says "wash your hands."

Now as the years went by,
God stood by me through the thin and thick
though it seems that with his age
the good lord's gone a tad eccentric.
Why I need to save my pee,
I don't understand a lick.
But it's better I bet, than to live with regret
so I guess I better do it.

'Cause God said stay inside or get flesh eating disease.
I'll totally make some kid retarted,
if you don't throw salt when you sneeze.
And you'll never get to heaven unless you kill Bill Bellamy.

Nobody understands, when God says "wash your hands."
Nobody understands, when God says "wash your hands."
And I hope that it's all wrong, 'cause God said "don't sing this song."
And I hope that it's all wrong, 'cause God said "don't sing this song."