I've only had 5 cans
I've got one more in my hand
If I drink it really quick
I'll look like more of a man
I've had fuck all to eat
Now I'm slurring my speach
Try and down me some vodka
But it's like swallowing bleach
I promised myself
I'd go steady this week
With the week I've just had
This shit is just what I need
I've been practically saintly
All this work I've done lately
Think it's high time
For me to go and get wasted

Absolutely, Utterly, Completely Fucked
And I can't see a thing
Absolutely wankered, I feel fucking great
Get me another drink.
Absolutely, Utterly, Completely Fucked
And I can't see a thing,
Absolutely wankered

I've only had 9 cans
And now I can't feel my hands,
Getting past the point
Where I can comfortably
Stand up straight.
I feel great, but I'm looking a state,
And I'm getting the impression,
That I've hit on my mate,
I'm getting me a repuation,
Someone stop me please
Before I make a scene,
I've been practically saintly,
All this work I've done lately,
Think it's high time,
For me to go and get wasted.