i went shopping with a girlfriend
for shoes and make-up at the mall
feel sorta funny in the rear end
and so i find myself a bathroom stall

pull down my panties and then i squat
just picture this look on my face
i really wish i was at home and not
make'n these noises in a public place

i need a private bathroom
cuz this is not funny
yes i've got to go number 2
give me a private bathroom
because trust me honey
ya ain't gonna like what i do

i would pay a million dollars
if i never had to poo or pee
in fron of women and their children
because sometimes i do it too loudly

my butthole trembles and it twitches
then diarrhea shoots from my hole
it kinda sounds like and resembles
chunks of meatloaf splashing in the bowl

i need a private bathroom
no this is not funny
yes i've got to go number 2
give me a private bathroom
it's going to be runny
i know that's disgusting but true

i need a private bathroom
cuz this is not pretty
what cheap fast food taco's can do
give me a private bathroom
cuz it feels real sjitty
as they're burn'n their way thru you

there's no toilet paper
you've got to beg the person crapping right next to you
and just a few minutes later
somebody pulls the broken door open again

i'm in here bitch!
what? ya couldn't see my shoes?
there size 12

i need a private bathroom
no i am not kidding
you don't want me right next to you
give me a private bathroom
cuz once i start shitting
you'll wish that i was at home too

i need a private bathroom
cuz once i start going
you'll ask what died inside of me

i need a private bathroom
cuz when my butt starts blowing
it might break the toilet
it might break the toilet
it might break the toilet
it might break the toilet in two