John C Clark is a really nice man
He works in gas installation
And he drives a gas installation van
Fill it up at the local gas station
And you know I never saw him with a woman before
The women round here think they're worth a lot more
He's the kind of man your mother would adore
And that's no recommendation

Well John C Clark ain't too good looking
I guess he looks like a gas installer
And for all that gas he still ain't cooking
Yeah he could do with being six inches taller
But then I ain't no pretty picture myself
I've been sitting round here too long on the shelf
And I could dream about being with somebody else
But he could be a whole lot smaller

John C Clark has a crush on me
I know he told me so one Sunday
And at the time since I didn't have any other offers
I agreed to meet him on the Monday
And the big surprise is that we really got on
We talked about all kinds of wierd things til dawn
I plucked up the courage and said “Hey John,
Would you meet me again on Friday?â€Â

And so we met at the pizza parlour in town
By then my belly was warming
And while we were waiting on the tiramisu
I kissed him without warning
I said “I'm not getting any younger you know
And would you like to give it a goâ€Â
He replied, “I guess soâ€Â
And I packed my things in the morningâ€Â

Now me and John we live together
We have a house that's full of laughter
We've got gas central heating, our bellies are always warm
And besides John has insulated the rafters
And you know we really like each other a lot
And for all the gas we will never be hot
But we're making the best of what we've got
We're living happily ever after