Mom made beans for dinner
You know I ate 'em all
She said come get your coat on, we're goin' to the mall
Gonna visit Santa and sit upon his knee
But all that I could think about was how not to cut the cheese

While waiting there for Santa, I thought that I'd explode
The gas bubble grew bigger with every "Ho, Ho, Ho"
Tried my best to hide it, thought I was doing swell
But when I sat down on Santa's lap, he hollered "What's that smell!"

Chorus:
I farted on Santa's lap, now christmas is gonna stink for me
I farted on Santa's lap, now I'll get nothin' under my Christmas tree

I asked him for a baseball
I asked him for a bat
I asked him for some ice skates but I'll get none of that
I asked him for a lot of things I'll have to do without
'Cause when I sat on Santa's lap, I let one slip out

(Chorus)

On Christmas Eve I snuck out of my bed without a sound
Went down to the living room just to take a look around
It was then that I saw Santa next to the Christmas tree
His arms were full of presents and they were all for me
He put them on a pile and got up to turn around
And blew a fart with such great force our tree almost came down
And so I'll always cherish that special moment when
I realized even old Saint Nick rips one now and then

I farted on Santa's lap and Christmas didn't stink for me
I farted on Santa's lap and Santa left one on my Christmas tree